Life of Emmalynne

it took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that i have it, i am not going to be silent (m. albright)


January 6, 2020

My mind is over cluttered. My house is over cluttered (that's a story for another day). I'm not fulfilled in my life. I have pondered for weeks (realistically probably months) on writing this post. Trying to put my words into type, my heart into black and white. It was either be vulnerable, or close out my site. I don't post as much as I want because of fear. People that I actually know in my real world have access to this, what would they think? Say? I'm learning it doesn't matter. 

"Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don't mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest a...

July 3, 2019

Something a couple of weeks later clicked as I was pondering what Eleanor had said. Happiness isn't a bubble you live in all the time. Happiness at it's simplest form is contentment. Am I content? In my job, marriage, hobbies, friendships, spiritual, physical health? I found that in some of those categories I am overly content and calm, while others (particularly my spiritual and physical health) I am lacking in contentment.

August 6, 2018

I have decided to change my name.

I'm not sure where to start with this or how to do it officially, which is my end goal. It seems there are so many things that would need to be changed. It's a huge step in life, and a ridiculously large commitment and change for all of those around me. I keep feeling like I need to sit on this change, make sure it 'feels' right. The thing about making sure something 'feels' right - is it never will. If I feel as strongly about it as I do I just need to do it.

Where does one start? How do you remember or list all of the things that will need to be changed? 

The Why : I have never related to the name amber - it just never felt like me. In fact there have been many times over the course of the past 30 years wher...

February 11, 2018

This is my space. I keep forgetting about it. Actually - I don't forget about it, it terrifies me. Having a space where I can write, a place that I can be real and honest, a place where I can feel "safe" scares me. There are so many things that I wish I could sit here and type out. Just to write and be real and feel heard. I'm still working on that. I'm still working on a lot of things, perhaps that's where I should start. 

2018 is supposed the be the year of saying yes to me, saying no to anything I'm doubting or don't want to do. Listening to myself. Learning to believe in myself. Learning to trust myself. I've never believed in myself. I hardly listen to myself. I definitely don't trust myself. It's February now and I'm still trying to fi...

December 28, 2017

Embrace. My 'One Little Word' for 2018. This is the first year I've signed up for the class. I have tried in the past to have a word per year, but I can't remember what any of them were or why I picked them so it wasn't helpful, or memorable.

Embrace basically knocked me over when I was just pondering things, as I do on the random regularly. I recently reached and crossed a significant threshold in my therapy. 

From my journal 23 December 2017:


Christmas 2017 is just around the corner. Another year past and a new fresh year is about to begin. Will I be able to keep the goals I have set for myself 2018? I should be headed to bed but I feel the urge to write. About what? Not sure. I can't believe this is the third journal I have f...

December 23, 2017

I have been increasingly jealous of seeing families out laughing, and enjoying the beautiful twinkle of the lights that our world is wrapped in...

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©2015-2019 by Emmalynne

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