I have decided to change my name.
I'm not sure where to start with this or how to do it officially, which is my end goal. It seems there are so many things that would need to be changed. It's a huge step in life, and a ridiculously large commitment and change for all of those around me. I keep feeling like I need to sit on this change, make sure it 'feels' right. The thing about making sure something 'feels' right - is it never will. If I feel as strongly about it as I do I just need to do it.
Where does one start? How do you remember or list all of the things that will need to be changed?
The Why : I have never related to the name amber - it just never felt like me. In fact there have been many times over the course of the past 30 years where I would ask people to not say my name. It made me feel so awkward and strange, as if they were talking to someone else. I don't 'feel' like an amber. I am not sure if I ever have. There are things I want to accomplish and as strange as it sounds, it is as though my name as current is holding me down, preventing me from being who I am and want to be. I also want to have a name that reflects who I am as a person, that feels like home, that represents me.
The When : I have to figure out all of the logistics of officially and legally changing my name. I started reading a bit online and it sounds complicated. Usually when things are complicated I run away, maybe I just didn't want it as much as I want this. I do know at least by 2019 I want to have the process started and the majority of it done.
The Who : My husband is the most amazing man I have ever met, and is incredibly supportive. I remember when we were dating specifically asking him not to call me amber. My sister is beyond supportive, and admitted that she felt that amber never really fit me either. I was nervous to as my brother for his support, yet he is behind me 100%. To be exact, "I think it's great you're doing what YOU need to." I just hope that those who don't understand or aren't willing to understand will at least be willing to support me.
The What : Emmalynne C. vs Amber Lynn.
Emmalynne means Whole in German and in Latin it means Work.
Lynn is my given middle name so it is staying.
Just the initial C. will by my middle 'name' in reference to my maiden name.
Emmalynne has German roots as do my ancestors.
I just hear Emmalynne and I smile, or I cry because of how much more fitting it feels. It will definitely be just as strange for my as it will others for awhile but this is what I need to do, and it has never felt more right.